I have literally no idea what they’re talking about.

What was that?

I really don’t know, Wade.

Go away or I’ll bite you. 

Wade, nothing happened, just leave it.

Fine. Come here so I can bite you. 

Okay, first of all, obviously he’s wanted or I wouldn’t be with him. Second, where the heck is this fat you’re talking about? There is literally no fat on him, except maybe in his head. Just because you don’t think he’s attractive for whatever reason, doesn’t mean that nobody else will. So kindly take your hate and go somewhere where someone who cares can hear you.

Hey don’t piss off Petey. He hasn’t figured that out yet. 

I don’t care if you think I can do better, I still only want Wade.

Awwww yeah, Anon. I’m so gonna get some. Thanks.

Peter, run, it’s Nutcase Girl… or was it Tail Girl… either way, she’s crazy. 

You were beaten up by a 15 year old? I think I finally found something manlier than Bea.

SHE’S LIKE FREAKY FAST AND KIND OF CREEPY. Look at her smile. All teeth and fluffy tail stuff and claws. Ugh. 

I stand by my comment.

DON’T BE A FOOL, WRAP YOUR TOOL!

Funny how it’s insinuated you’re the only one that would need to use a condom.

Well it’s obvious that I’m the only one who can top. What with my yaoi hands and your adorable uke thing you’ve got going. No way you can be inside of me. Nope. 

I didn’t understand a word you just said.

You haven’t seen the rest of me. 

Just because he has some scars doesn’t mean he still doesn’t look yummy.

Did you just call me yummy?

…It’s possible.

Once in a while, we end up borrowing things from each other. Usually shirts or sweatshirts since he’s a few inches taller than I am.

I tried wearing his costume once. Worse. Decision. Ever. Thought I was gonna get stuck singing soprano. 

Trying to catch Petey off guard with random sexy costumes. Did it work?

It didn’t work and probably never will. Probably.

HE SAID PROBABLY. 

I would say never but there’s a chance he could find one that works.

I bet if I dressed up like that Felicia woman it’d work.

so that would include you in a skintight catsuit?

That might work.

I was being sar- you know what? I know what you’re getting for Christmas. 

HELL YEAH! Peter sucks.

I’m not that bad.

You always die!

So do you!

But I’m a better sport about it. 

That doesn’t mean that I suck.

Well… maybe not always at video games but sometimes… 

You said I suck at vide-you know what? I’m just not gonna try.

Wut.

Petey would. He’d be cute. 

Yeah, try again.

Cute but creepy.

You’re trying to make me choose between unlimited access to a naked Peter or a bag of tacos?

WADE

Right. No to the kidnapping of the Peter person. But we can still make a deal about those tacos. 

All of the above.

As you can see, Wade’s not very good with decisions.

Wait wait WAIT! IDEA!  We can have sex involving food and record it. This is a good idea. Yes.

No.

Yes.

I’m pretty sure we’ve talked about this home made porn idea before.

Eventually you will say yes. 

I highly doubt that.

Okay, you all need to learn how to drop this. No, I don’t think Wade would enjoy that, he gets jealous too easily. No, we should not have a threesome with Harry. And I really don’t think threesomes with anyone would work just because both of us get really jealous.

Natasha Romanoff.

Seriously?

Your aunt is hot. 

Yeah, and my aunt.

Only sort-of.

It’s still kind of gross to think about.

Only for yoooouuuuu.

Petey’s butt is 10 times better than that guy’s butt. 

LOOOOOOK AT IT!

You have a really odd fascination with my butt. And thanks for taking a picture of my butt in my costume. Really.

It’s a good butt. This is not the only picture I have of it. 

Stop taking pictures of my butt.

No.